Matthew 22:34-46
As I was preparing for this sermon, I found in the last twenty years, I have preached on
‘love your neighbor’
at least nine times. I have decided this time to dwell on the last words in that text:
‘as yourself’.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus was cross-examined by a Pharisee, asking Him about the greatest commandment, but did you hear him ask anything about a second commandment? Jesus just slipped that one in there almost unnoticed, but that he did so begs us to stand up and take notice!
And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
It is important to note that in the original Hebrew, this second commandment says,
love your neighbor ‘BECAUSE’ you love yourself.
Jesus reminds us of something many have forgotten: that self-love is foundational to and the source of proper love for others.
It is also important to note the location where the two great commandments are in the text. This dialogue occurs in the last week of Jesus’ life as all the tensions and issues come together. Jesus gives the “correct” answer – the summary of the first commandment. Then he links it to a second commandment
that is like the first in importance,
which summarizes all the other commandments.
In doing this, he takes what is known and agreed upon and expands it in a way that amazes and perturbs those who hear it. And if we have doubts about who our neighbor is, Jesus has told several parables telling us that our neighbors include the ‘least and the lost.’
- No one is not a neighbor; no creature is not a neighbor.
- No part of the world is not a neighborhood.
How we view ourselves colors how we look upon others.
If I believe myself to be deceitful, I will most likely find that same deceit in others. If I find myself untrustworthy, I will begin to distrust others. If I have trouble believing that God loves me, then it becomes possible that God doesn’t love everybody; the church must have been deceiving us all these years.
For a long time now, we thought it was formal liturgy and staid music that has been at the heart of lagging church growth, but maybe it’s self-loathing that has made the church feel so irrelevant to so many these days. It doesn’t help that we have had a solid Christian tradition conveying that true holiness comes when we deny ourselves, as John the Baptist exemplified.
There’s an amusing story that illustrates an ascetic lifestyle carried a bit far:
In old-style convents, no nun asked for anything for herself; she was to keep her eyes open for the needs of those on either side of her and ask for what they needed. One day, a sister found a dead mouse in her soup. The nuns on either side weren’t paying attention, and the sister couldn’t figure out what to do.
Then she had an inspiration. Pointing to the nuns on either side of her, she said to the nun who was serving, Sister, neither of these two sisters has a mouse in her soup.[1]
I know it will sound strange, but for the Christian, it should read Christ first, self second, and neighbor a very close third if things are to be as they should. I often have to remind people God forgives them for something I still punish myself for.
Do you ever find yourself doing that? I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Almost as soon as we are born, people want to label us; many labels aren’t kind and loving. And so many people hear them for so long that they begin to believe them. That’s when it’s important to remember the label that God gave us, the only label that counts; God stamped it on our hearts:
IMAGE OF GOD!
Sadly, it’s often easier to get down on yourself than lift yourself up, but if you want to love yourself, you must change your mindset. You have to believe that you’re worthy of love and actively seek out positive things about yourself and your life. No one else will if you don’t do it.[2]
One of our biggest problems is that we fail to love ourselves enough! Listen, you can write this down and remember it: many problems are caused by conceit, but a far greater number of issues are caused by a low self-image!
I know so many people who sell themselves short. They will not attempt anything significant because they do not believe in themselves. Perhaps they were told when they were children that they were dumb, slow, ugly, fat, or bad. You supply the adjective, but someone gave them a negative self-image, they embraced it, and never moved beyond it.
We need to change the way we think about ourselves. I believe we all can do this today; we can fulfill the second part of the great commandment right now.
- List those things you do; they don’t have to be heroic acts, just something that mirrors God’s love.
- Make a list; you may be very pleasantly surprised.
- Dare to love yourself like a rainbow with a pot of gold at both ends.[3]
The psychologist Ferenizi recently wrote what he thought was the plight of many gripers, complainers, and cranks.
“They want to love their neighbor, but they don’t know how. Never having received love, they cannot give love. Their attitude toward life has become hard and cold, relentless and loveless. This attitude has further isolated them from others. Though they are in the crowd, they are not a part of the fellowship.”
Is there any more significant challenge to the Christian faith than to bring the love of God to these so they might love others?
Here is the difference between player and spectator in the congregation, between disciple and griper. What a beautiful obituary if it said of us as a congregation and individuals,
“They respected themselves, loved their God, and loved all of God’s people.”
Healthy self-love and acceptance aren’t prideful but learning to know and accept ourselves as we are—even on our dark side.
To grow in self-love, we need to be fully known by at least one other loving and accepting person—a person who will not put us down, judge or criticize us, tell us what we should or shouldn’t do, try to fix us, give unsolicited advice, or preach at us, but accept us just as we are. It is through their knowing, accepting, and loving us as we are that, little by little, we learn to love and accept ourselves. This truth cannot be over-emphasized, for we can only feel loved to the degree that we are known, accepted, and loved by at least one loving, trusted person. This person may disapprove of harmful or destructive behavior but still loves us.
Self-love is the deep longing to minimize pain and increase happiness. Everyone, without exception, has this human need for love. We spend much of our time waiting, hoping to be loved, searching and yearning for that special love, wanting someone to give us love and fill us up.
We feel empty and lost without it.
Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works. You attract to you exactly what you send out into the world and what you believe you are worthy of. So, loving yourself can create love in your life.
But how do we love ourselves when the world says loving ourselves is selfish – not a good character trait?
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you ‘You’. Love yourself for all the good you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.
2. Be honest with yourself about how valuable you believe you are. How you see and treat yourself is the same way others will see and treat you. Do you see yourself as valuable and worthy of love? Do you treat yourself lovingly? And most importantly, do you treat others with love? That’s the first step to feeling better about yourself.
3. Think about what you need. What specifically are you lacking? Find the answer and give it to yourself. No one is more capable of loving you and giving you precisely what you need than you are! When you learn to love yourself, you stop searching for it on the outside and suddenly begin attracting it. You change yourself from a sponge to a magnet!
4. Forgive yourself if you believe you aren’t worthy of love. No matter what you may have been told as a child or hear now,
It SIMPLY IS NOT TRUE.
Say,
“I forgive myself for believing that I am not worthy of love.”
Look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself; look yourself right in the eyes and say it like you mean it.
5. Start sharing. Share yourself with others. Everybody has something to share. Share your happiness, sadness, and, most importantly, your life. By sharing, you will start feeling better about yourself and loving yourself.
6. Remember that love is not a feeling but a choice! Choose to love yourself, and that love will come. After all, who deserves it more? The more loving you are to yourself, the more loving you will be able to be to everyone around you. Choose to love yourself and everyone important in your life.
And last but not least:
7. Hug yourself. Don’t worry what others think; it’s about how you feel about you. Try to accept yourself as fully as you can.
Let us pray:
Dear Lord, help us to accept ourselves just the way we are. Help us recognize that we are beloved creatures of your creation and deserve to be loved, honored, and cherished. Clean our minds of emotional poison and self-judgment to live in complete peace and love. Give us the power to unconditionally love ourselves, our family, and our friends. Today is a new beginning. Help us start our life over today with the power of self-love.
So that we may
We shall love our neighbor as ourselves.
Delivered at Saint John’s Episcopal Church, Columbus, OH; 29 October 2023
[1] Rev William Joseph Adams, Sunday Gospel Talk
[2] “The 6 Essentials for Cultivating Self-Love”, Positively Present, https://www.positivelypresent.com
[3] poet, Aberjhani
“Love your neighbor as yourself” is a pretty radical command -that we think of our love and concern for humanity in the same way as we regard our love for ourselves.
deni doulos 